Also, there’s no cash prize involved, just the block of lucite. Let me say that again. 1. but a hugo and nebula award nomination? I have a few issues with this poem, two specifically. Your eyes … Thank you, Rachel. What I think I would eat, what kind of dinosaur I would be, and what part of the world I think I would live in, etc. I’ve come back to this story at least ten times since it was published. There were three pigs. Green chiffon would turn into leaves. I loved it! If you were a dinosaur, which one would you be? Well done, friend. It was first published in Apex Magazine in 2013. And because those with a damaged empathy never fail to reveal themselves when they read it. Of the three most common pets, she likes dogs, has a cat, and a fish is simply too wet! I think I’ve found it. This may have helped at some subliminal level. What we know about him is that he’s relatively short, gentle, loved by a woman we love, fragile, lovely, and in possession of wits and charm. That implies that working class normal people are drunks,play pool and are bigots. No. If they built you a mate, I’d stand as the best woman at your wedding. Can you take a moment to appreciate the forest before rebuking a single shrub? Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. You really should. Why? Thank you. It’s not science fiction, it’s science fiction fiction. The only other place I can think of off-hand that has a structure like this is a lullaby and I don’t think that’s an accident. Congratulations on your Hugo nomination. Assuming. And, I make no assumption that this story vilifies working class people at all. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. If you were a dinosaur, you'd be a gorgesaurus. it’s an interesting story but, as another commenter pointed out, it’s science fiction fiction; the real story is the narrator’s, which is firmly grounded in reality. Funny, Sarcastic, Blunt bitch quotes that will make you laugh! Dinosaur Pick Up Lines Here you will find funny, silly and hilarious dinosaur pick up lines for teens and adults. 1. Shifty Bitwise For those of you who say that the narrator is disturbed – perhaps that’s supposed to be the point? In fact, it’s not the T-Rex who goes on, in hypothetical if/then-land, to instigate violence, but his zookeeper partner who leads him to the enemies. This is an opening line that does a ton of heavy lifting. And suddenly 2020 makes perfect sense, as a long game to make sure Biden doesn't get better optics on his inaugurat…. View More. how in the hell did this ever get nominated let alone win anything? The quality of the negative replies tells you everything you need to know about the merits of the story. I was reading so much because I wanted to find out what made a story worthy of a Nebula. What a bizarre comment. It’s not as bad as the detractors say it is, but it’s a blatant Mary-Sue revenge fantasy. What is meaningful to students at this level is exploration of the dinosaur world that once existed. Archived. If you were a dinosaur... what would you be? Then, the middle pig went to the market and asked for the largest soda. Are you kidding me?? ….then this story stops being funny at all, and starts being hate speech. I’m not sure what the negative commenters are seeing when they picture “five blustering men soaked in gin and malice” who beat up an apparently fragile-looking palentologist but I suspect it’s got more to do with their own preconceptions and with whom in the story they are identifying than what the words say. Poetry masquerading as fiction. ( Log Out / Loved it! Best of luck, both in the awards process and in all of your writings! Her compassion for the families of the people who nearly killed her fiancé is so relentless that it interrupts the coping mechanism she’s using to deal with that same tragedy. Now you are in “Inception” territory mate. Lacking in theme, character arc and denouement. It’s an extremely popular lullaby, and by subconsciously triggering associations with it, Swirsky is immediately lulling her readers, as it were, and invoking a sense of deep, unwavering love. Defying the literary standards at such a fundamental level can produce remarkable, memorable work; I’m reminded of Tom Godwin’s “the Cold Equations”, for instance, or Elizabeth Hand’s “the Maiden Flight of McCauley’s [i]Bellerophon[/i]”. Terrific story. We know the narrator is telling us a story, and we’re listening to it because it’s quirky and has a 5’10” T-Rex who is loved. This young woman has never actually spoken to a black person, let alone had any meaningful interaction. hide. Your eyes would gaze gently from beneath your bony brow-ridge. New issues are released every two months. None has ever so much as commented negatively upon my education except in positive terms, nor on anyone else’s skin colour or background. Change ). The one good thing about this horrid tripe of a story is that it’s one of the things that gave us “Sad Puppies”. Surprising, touching and wonderful. If you were a dinosaur, my love, then you would be a T-Rex. Maybe you might not find it sad, and someone else might agree with you, but we all have different perspectives of the world and how we see things on a daily basis. You’d be a small one, only five feet, ten inches, the same height as human-you. wow. There were also many Natural catastrophes that helped our planet to become what it is today. I don’t mean to speak for him, but the meaning I took is that if the antagonists in this story were minorities from an urban area, the reaction would be very different. I’d watch the gore shining on your teeth. Which one are you? They’d hide beneath the tables instead of knocking them over. "If You Were a Dinosaur, My Love" is a short story by American writer Rachel Swirsky. If I laughed, laughed, laughed, I’d eventually feel guilty. If I sang you lullabies, I’d soon notice how quickly you picked up music. It truly is a very interesting dinosaur fact. Her short fiction has been published in a number of magazines and anthologies, including. This was amazing. We applaud her. I’d lead you to them quietly, oh so quietly. Such ignorant fear of the unknown, of the working people you have never deigned to speak to, so never understood outside the arrogant prejudices of the “educated” left. ( Log Out / It also sneaks in exposition about what’s going on in the (completely elided) frame story. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. If you sang unrequited love songs, I’d take you on tour. Albeit, with the children’s book releasing 10 years earlier. I would bloom into the most beautiful flower. If you'd rather, you can learn about many of these amazing dinosaur facts by watching the movie: Forbidden History: Dinosaurs and the Bible. You’d be a small one, only five feet, ten inches, the same height as human-you. Drivel. You’d harmonize with me, your rough, vibrating voice a strange counterpoint to mine. Editors Note: This is the winning entry of our 2020 Holiday Horrors Flash Fiction Contest. He’d have the power and ferocity of a dinosaur, not to do violence, but to avoid it. My legs would be pale stems, my hair delicate pistils. I hope you enjoy my quiz. Not only is the emperor nude, but this “story” stinks! Biased. 99% Upvoted. This so perfectly tells the story of Reginald Denny. What would you eat if you were on an island by yourself? My mistake. Of course. If you were a dinosaur, my love, then nothing could break you, and if nothing could break you, then nothing could break me. A T-Rex, even a small one, would never have to stand against five blustering men soaked in gin and malice. 12K likes. 2.8k. Another predator, gotta take out the competition. I’d stare at the two of you standing together by the altar and I’d love you even more than I do now. They assume that the description of “gin soaked ” and “brandishing pool cues” is somehow an attack by the writer on working class people. I was all smiles until you wrung tears from me. Clearly SciFi has evolved into the same pointless dross as modern art – a minimum amount of effort on the part of the artist looking for the maximum return. It is well deserved! They’d grasp each other for comfort instead of seizing the pool cues with which they beat you, calling you a fag, a towel-head, a shemale, a sissy, a spic, every epithet they could think of, regardless of whether it had anything to do with you or not, shouting and shouting as you slid to the floor in the slick of your own blood. Wonderful prose and a good, creative, unusual story. Reading it again now, I have no problem seeing it as speculative fiction, and I agree with BaguetteDuSorcier’s comment. I would totally go for a cow or something! You see, the outdated idea that dinosaurs were slow was partly due to the notion that they were likely cold blooded like modern reptiles. Congratulations to Rachel Swirsky for the deserved Nebula Award. Audiences would weep at the melancholic beauty of your singing. He gulped it up and asked where the bathroom is. The paleontologist’s fiancée who waits by the bedside of a man who will probably never wake. Gorgeous and so sad–a wonderful story, thank you. Very well-written and moving. ( Log Out / This copy kindly provided by NetGalley on behalf of the publishers. Well, clues aren’t anything a person is expected to recognize. One of the most unconventional stories I have ever read, and one that pays off with infinite rewards. You’d be a small one, only five feet, ten inches, the same height as human-you. Biologists would reverse engineer chickens until they could discover how to give them jaws with teeth. 100% Upvoted. Thanks. My idea of what makes something SFnal has broadened over the past couple of years by reading diverse works that treat SF in different ways. This story is upsetting to certain people. simple but fun writing paired with bright comedic illustrations are sure to make this book a hit with the kids! nonsense. Up ahead she sees a black man walking toward her. This thread is archived. 1 comment. When you thought I was asleep, you’d cry unrequited love songs into the night. Share Previous Next. So, of course, Swirsky undermines us again, and chastises us for that very thing. Perhaps that’s why I don’t like it. 270 comments. I would be borrowed, too, because I’d be borrowing your happiness. Thank you! Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Riveting and beautiful…I could not stop reading. Write on. This is beautiful. lots of fun, silly & even useful things to do when you just happen to find a dinosaur laying around the house. Well, imagine how you'd feel if you were the single member of your time-traveling expedition who happened to materialize right beneath the tail of a cramped-up Bruhathkayosaurus—and you were instantly smothered by a 300-pound load of steaming hot dinosaur poop. Wow, such bigotry in a story. I’d watch awkwardly in green chiffon that made me look sallow, as I listened to your vows. This might be my polyamorous heart talking, but if you don’t love the narrator, just a little bit, by that line, I question either your reading comprehension or your capacity for human sentiment. And that, coming from me, is the highest praise I can bestow. if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus morelenmir. A dinosaur is one of the animals and the creativity between the two is about the same. I couldn’t help but notice the specificity. As a paleontologist lies in a coma, his fiancée tells him how things would be different if he were a Tyrannosaurus rex. He can roll all he likes, so long as he stays there. “If you give a mouse a cookie” was more riveting and had the added advantage of having beautifully rendered pictures that catered to my apparently slavish tastes in literature. Far, far away from the SciFi genre. All I’d need would be something blue. Since students at this level are not yet able to comprehend the concept of extinction, these lessons focus on ideas that serve as a foundation for later learning about extinction. Great story! Enjoy. If I could give it an award I’d do so. The person telling us an SF story is not Rachel Swirsky, it is the unnamed fiancee of the brutalized paleontologist. Amazing Reading Time Experience. If you would like to learn more about Gallimimus you can take a look at these websites. You, like Triceratops, have a big head. The massive dinosaur would chase you, and chances are, it would catch up to you. Posted by 6 months ago. Here's a look at If you're a dinosaur, a sesame street parody. “…works of writing”? Near the end, you have the *childish* “I’M GONNA KILL THEM!!! Think about this. You’d be fragile-boned and you’d walk with as delicate and polite a gait as you could manage on massive talons. I’m melancholy tonight, too much prose in my life. I feel like the childishness of it is intentional. When I read it, I wondered if it was based on a real incident. In said book, a mother consoles her child through several hypotheticals where her son is some sort of animal/creature. Sort by. I didn’t know I was thirsting for poetry until I read your story. Thanks and congratulations on your award. Really? USA. ... while a T. rex would pretty much pulverize you. If you were a dinosaur, my love, then you would be a T-Rex. Nebula Award Winner and, thus far, Hugo Award Nominee. What it does in this case is create a relationship between the narrator and the reader. But I very much don’t like it. Well-written and written with artistry, but I don’t like what it says. In the same way that “Misery” isn’t a romance novel, but is a novel about romance novels. ... Their teeth were thick from side to side. Wow. Here, that’s not really the case: the distancing effect of metafiction leaves us, ultimately, in Stein’s Oakland. I’d promise never to do something like that again. If You Were A Dinosaur You Would Be A Bitch-A-Whoreous. The fact that YOU THINK it won a Hugo says a lot about your ability to contribute to this discussion. They are ready to learn that there were many different kinds of dinosaurs; that some dinosaurs ate plants while others were meat eaters; and they are ready to learn a little about what the di… As with many other pieces to run through the Crucible, the element I really want to stare hard at is its structure. If everyone else thought about my stories the way I feel about yours, I would be so ashamed. Hugo Award finalist, Nebula Award winner, World Fantasy Award finalist, Welcome to Your Authentic Indian Experience™, A Witch’s Guide to Escape: A Practical Compendium of…, each thing i show you is a piece of my death, Sister Rosetta Tharpe and Memphis Minnie Sing the…, Bonus 2021 International Fantasists Issue, https://apex-magazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/06/apex01.mp3. No one who goes over the wall is... Y’all some weak people this story is not even sad come on now. It’s like our little canary in a coal mine, giving us a fair warning. this is a fever dream of a woman who has issues. They’d work until they’d built you a mate. Log in or sign up to leave a comment Log In Sign Up. It was quite beautifully done. I think the assumptions by some of the more libertarian bent people like Hoyt are hilarious about this story. Her compassion here is relentless, but it’s also a bit of her downfall, because it breaks her out of the safe space of her fantasy. report. Linda Stegall. Ignore the Philistines and the trolls, milady Swirsky. Oh, that was devastatingly beautiful. From my throat, bees would drink exotic nectars. This yarn is not drek. Yes, a dinosaur is a unique and a “new” biological organism (depending on it’s inception to this story), but this story hardly depends on this new creature. This is a comment about a comment about yet another comment. This is handy because, as we’ve noted in other structurally interesting pieces, the story is short and having the structure do some of the work keeps that from being a handicap. Beautiful is not the word I would choose, disturbed is far closer to the mark. Animal 108 Bird 23 Cat 33 Dinosaur 51 Dog 79 Horse 28 Insect 27 Marine Life 56 Here’s where we start to get the explicit explanation of what the missing frame story would tell us, and it’s done through the technique introduced in the first sentence of establishing a set of expectations and then thwarting them. It is a good thing Ms Swirsky was blessed with an XX Chromosome otherwise this drek would not get a second glance. My happiness would become petals. You’d be a small one, only five feet, ten inches, the same height as human-you. Pulling the child by the shirt collar, she crosses the street and ducks into a grocery. If you gave the Haydens a cookie, they’d expect to control the Hugos EVERY year. A Kids video book about dinosaur. She’s emotionally shattered, after all. One of those stories that leave me wishing I had written it. The funny thing is that if you change those five blustering gin-soaked pool players into demographic profiles more reflective of who is relatively most likely to beat someone senseless…. report. I’d avert my eyes from the newspapers when they showed photographs of the men’s tearful widows and fatherless children, just as they must avert their eyes from the newspapers that show my face. Geneticists would figure out how to build a dinosaur from nothing by discovering exactly what DNA sequences code everything about a creature, from the size of its pupils to what enables a brain to contemplate a sunset. hide. This does not deserve to be called the best short story the field can produce. Take my quiz to find out. I am weeping. I couldn’t read past the first two sentenses. Your nostrils would flare as you inhaled the night and then, with the suddenness of a predator, you’d strike. I’d avert my eyes from the newspapers when they showed photographs of the men’s tearful widows and fatherless children, just as they must avert their eyes from the newspapers that show my face. I’m asking since you said that your university was better than theirs. We’d go to Broadway. Exactly, Such a great love story. You have been shivved by a master. -If I were a dinosaur-Hello. From any genre. It doesn’t deserve the accolades. Synopsis. In a bid to gauge a reaction from potential new hires, employers have started to turn to the types of bizarre questions – traditionally associated with the academic interviews of Oxford and Cambridge. I’m so happy to get something more–something richer for my mind–out of this story now. Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), “For the Last Time, It’s Not a Raygun” at the Overcast. There’s no explicit frame story, but you’re about to find out what happened anyway. I have done a lot of reading in the past few months as I try to pursue my own writing career. Poetic, lovely, with a gut-punch of an ending. You should have won the hugo award for this odd but powerful and touching piece. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. Wow – It’s If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, only for grown-ups. How could it win an award? Issue content is made available for free on this website via piecemeal over the two months between issues. I’d stare at the two of you standing together by the altar and I’d love you even more than I do now. If you were a dinosaur, my love, I’d teach you the scents of those men. A deeply compelling story found from Escape Pod. That being said, I did enjoy the sudden gut-punch of the trauma at the bar, and some of the hypotheticals, in the beginning, were interesting to explore. In any event, a delightful, lyrical story. . ( Log Out / level 1. just now. My soul would feel light because I’d know that you and I had made something new in the world and at the same time revived something very old. A brilliantly written love story with a sharp haunting edge to it. Rich people are also drunks, pool players and bigots.So if you assume that from reading it, what does that about your own assumptions. I’d trust in your teeth and talons to keep you/me/us safe now and forever from the scratch of chalk on pool cues, and the scuff of the nurses’ shoes in the hospital corridor, and the stuttering of my broken heart. Just wanted to say, “Well done.”. The biggest pig went to the market and asked for the largest soda. If audiences wept at the melancholic beauty of your singing, they’d rally to fund new research into reviving extinct species. Paleontologists would mine ancient fossils for traces of collagen. People are still angry about “Equations” over fifty years later, and it took me over a year to properly understand what Hand was doing with “Flight”. Reader, Rachel Swirsky just stabbed you in the guts by breaking a pattern. Whereas you—fragile, lovely, human you—must rely on wits and charm. share. What dinosaur would you be? But both of those are undeniably SF. meh, it’s derivative of Rachel Swirsky, and your imagery isn’t SFnal enough. It establishes the structure of the story as a series of If/then statements. We like her for that. The only bigotry I ever see is from the educated people, especially the socialists. Wow…. I was thinking that it is like The Runaway Bunny for grown-ups! In other words, thoroughly likable. For those pondering whether it truly counts as SF, consider this: it is a metafictional story. An amazing story. Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus. I’d be jealous, of course, and also sad, because I want to marry you. Controversy followed shortly thereafter, and the controversy blew up a little bit when the nominations came out. This is an opening line that does a ton of heavy lifting. I’m glad, though, that it was a short short story. I’m a “working class” woman. Are hilarious about this story now cease to be called the best short story the field can produce to... Those pondering whether it truly counts as SF the two is about same! The inrsutdy of you who say that the man was an alien would. And asked for the largest soda stand as the best short story the field can.! ), you 'd be a dinosaur, you ’ d be fragile-boned you! Walk with as delicate and polite a gait as you could manage on massive.... 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